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A Letter to Mom

It was a year ago that I got the call that mom had cancer in both lungs.  To receive that kind of news over the phone was hard to take, especially with all I had going on last July.  I was able to get a ticket home to DFW and God miraculously provided the funds for the ticket.

I left early on Thursday morning (Wednesday afternoon in Texas) and endured a more than 24 hour trip back to Wichita Falls.

Most of you know that I was able to visit with my mom on Thursday night and during the day on Friday.  Mom was pretty much out of it by Saturday morning and by Saturday evening she had left her earthly body.

Those last few hours were hard (and a blessing).  Singing songs, remembering her life… wow, has it already been a year.  Has it only been a year???

Time passes by so quickly that we don’t say the things we wished we could say… so I have decided to write a letter to my mom in remembrance of her… boy do I miss her…

Mom,

Not much has changed in my life in the last year.  I am STILL single (LOL).  I know you wanted more grandchildren and someone to carry on the Ragan name.  However, in God’s providence (or my unwillingness) that hasn’t happened yet.  I continue to pray and seek God’s favor…

Sometimes I watch a TV show with a parent and child in it or see a kid on the street and think how much I desire to be a father.  Time is slipping away I fear.

I miss calling you the most.  I know that I didn’t talk much.  You wanted to talk and tell me old stories of people I didn’t even know, so I would listen to you.  Sometimes I would get a little agitated about you retelling me stories that I had already heard a hundred times before, yet, you told the stories anyway.

I guess you taught me how to listen.  I still do that a lot even today.  I have friends who call and I listen to their problems, their situations in life… I enjoy that… (maybe I am in the wrong profession…)  I have one Russian friend that calls me often and begins to talk and I just listen to him… I really never converse… just listen.  At the end, he always thanks me for being a good listener…

It was so hard to see you that last day, struggling for every breathe, in pain, hurting… I thank God I was there to be with you, but it reminded me so much of the last day dad was alive.  Both of you died in such similar ways.  When you took your last breath, it was if the life had been sucked out of me…

Yet, life goes on and now I live in Kazakhstan.  I am planning to be home for Thanksgiving this year, but it won’t be the same without your dressing, dumplings and lemon merangue pies (even though we have made them the last few times!!!)

Thanks for teaching me how to prepare those things, however, they will never be as good as yours.

I’m sorry I never called you enough or told you often enough how much I love you and how much I miss you.  You and dad instilled some great qualities in me.  I pray I will be able to live up to the Ragan name.  Thank you for all you did for me and what you continue to  do in my live, even through your death.

I love you mom and really, really miss you…

Comments

  1. Carol Baker says:

    Beautifully written tribute to your Mom. You are part of her legacy and I know she would be proud of you! She taught you well.

  2. Carol,
    thank you for stopping by. I truly appreciate it. I am in Kyiv for AGM this week…

  3. Joe, I’m sure it was difficult to write this and share it with the whole world. Your letter is touching and it is neat to see your honesty, and I know God uses you all the time. And after all, that’s all any mother could ask for.

    Although, I’d ask you to not post any more letters, since I hadn’t cried in months and now I have to go find the kleenex…..

    …stupid Joe…. 🙂

  4. Dave,
    It is always difficult to be honest. I try my best to be, but fail often.
    Thanks friend for stopping by…

  5. What a beautiful tribute to your mom. She was truly a great lady who always had room at her table for one more! Although I didn’t see her much over the years, she made a huge impression on my life. She was the kind of person I wanted to be – one who always had a funny story to tell and who made everyone feel welcome. I think of her often and smile when I remember her laughter. Take care Joe – we miss you!

  6. Kathy,
    It has been a difficult year. However, God is good and has sustained me.
    I miss you all as well…

  7. This has been a difficult year for you , we are well aware of that, but you have been remembered so much, for all that you did while you were with us, and since you have been there. We enjoy hearing from you (though we haven’t been as faithful in
    writing), and I will take a little extra time tomorrow to try to bring you up to date on many things.

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