Alone among millions

Have you ever felt alone, even when living among millions?  I know I have.  I live in a city of a million people, and with my window open, I can hear the sounds of the city going on around me.

Yet, even with these sounds, one can feel alone.  Maybe its the weather.  Three days of rain and clouds can create melancholy.  Or maybe its just spending too much time in an apartment (due to the weather).

As I was reflecting on this, my mind was taken to Elijah. He had just defeated the prophets of Baal through the Hand of God, but when he heard the news that Jezebel threatened to kill him, he ran.  Did he not think the same God that delivered him from the prophets was not able to deliver him from Jezebel?

“Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there.”
(1 Kings 19:3 ESV)  He ran for his life.  He had just defeated 450 prophets of Baal, yet when one person threatened him, he ran for his life.

I have never defeated 450 prophets, nor will I ever.  However, when I do have small (at least to me) victories or when I accomplish even something great (in my own eyes), why is it that afterwards I feel so small or insignificant?  Why is it that after a great spiritual high at camp, can one feel so alone?

Three years ago, I went through a difficult time in my life.  Fortunately, before that difficulty came, the Lord brought to life some important promises to me.  He showed me through scripture how he would always be there with me.  When I went through that most difficult time, God quickly reminded me of that promise and I held firm to that promise through those dark days.  And, it is what eventually helped me get through to the other side.

Which brings me back to this idea of how one can “feel” alone when living among millions.  I have been “critical” of Elijah and his lack of faith directly after such a great victory.  I have “mocked” the Israelites for their lack of faith after God delivered them from Egypt.  Yet, in my own life, I have been guilty of the same trespass.

It truly is easier to see the speck in other people’s eyes than it is to see the one in my own eye.  Hard lessons to learn personally.  But, learn them we must.  So, when these feelings of being alone among millions come upon me, I know that I must get out and be amongst the millions.  To see their faces, to look into their eyes.  Then, I will remember why I was sent here; recall the joy of life in this city; and move forward toward the ultimate reason for being here.  Then, I will no longer be alone among millions.