I’ve decided it’s ok…

Since confirmation that I had pancreatic cancer, I haven’t really used those words.  I’m not in denial, but part of me thinks that if my surgeon removed it, then I don’t have it any longer.  It’s kind of like my gall bladder that was removed last January.  I had my gall bladder, but after the surgery, it was no more.  🙂

This past week has been tough.  I went to the hospital last Tuesday, expecting them to do one procedure and then I was going to spend time with family in east Texas.  While I was in pre-op, I learned that they were going to admit me.  So, no trip to see family and I had the privilege to spend 3 days and 2 nights at Methodist Richardson.

On Wednesday, they did a minor surgery, hoping to alleviate a problem.  So, twice last week, I was under anesthesia and I think I am still feeling the effects of all of it!  I still have pain where they did the minor surgery and I am almost hoarse now.

This morning, I was sitting in an office, waiting to have my blood drawn and I decided that it’s ok.  Ok to talk about some things…

It’s ok to tell people that I have pancreatic cancer.  Not that I want to shout it from the top of my lungs, but it is a fact.

It’s ok to walk like an old man.  I have very little strength right now and every time I get in or out of the car, I have to be careful so that I don’t hurt myself.  I have been self-conscious far too long wondering what people think seeing me walk kind of like Tim Conway in an old Carol Burnett comedy!

It’s ok to cry.  This has been the hardest.  I have never been one to cry, but since my surgery in November, songs at church or on the radio sometimes bring me to tears.  Today I had to pick something up from a store across town and I tried listening to a Christian radio station. While sitting at a red light, I realized that tears were streaming down my face!  I had to turn the radio off!

I have been reading through a book of CH Spurgeon’s Gems.  He wrote these words in 1894, “Do not reckon that God will give you a life without difficulty! Tell me, if you can, of any child of His who ever had such a portion? He had one Son without sin, but no son without sorrow. No, that Son Who had no sin was the Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief. So you must expect the Lord to deal with you as He does with the rest of His household.”

No one is exempt from difficulty or sorrow.  No one!  At this moment, I am traveling on a journey that I was ill prepared for, but one that has come nevertheless.  While I cannot control the direction of this journey, I can determine my outlook and response.  Even though there are going to be days like the last few, I still can control my attitude.  I’ve decided it’s ok to love the Lord, love people, love life.


13 thoughts on “I’ve decided it’s ok…

  1. You have a truly wonderful attitude about all of this Joe! I always wonder how I would react. I hope with as much grace as you have shown.

  2. Praying hard for you brother! May the Lord continue to work strongly in you and through you as HE has so many times before. Thankful for you and that you shared.

  3. Brother, I can imagine that the situation like this can damage us and even our relationship with God. But knowing you I always think about positive and kind man I ever knew. Every trip we went together you always made a new friends and people love you I can tell. So please focus on what you said in the beginning of the text and let it be like your gall bladder. It’s gone. Gone !!! May God comfort you in every way you go. And do His mighty job for your testimony for His glory in the future. Praying for you and love you brother !

  4. Love your heart, Joe! Can’t even begin to imagine what you have been going through nor what it’s like to deal with “the demons” that try to get into your head. Be encouraged that, regardless of what adventure your life is on right now, God is in control. He is not surprised by any of this. He is with you and, I’m sure, He is well pleased with the servant you are. You make Him proud everyday. It’s very o.k. to cry, to accept the adventure He has you on, to walk like Tim Conway, to be cautious when getting out of the car….it is all o.k. You are also o.k. You are doing a fabulous job on your adventure. Do not be afraid…He is with you always. Look for where He is at work along your path. Keep the Faith and keep your eyes on Him. Proud to call you my friend! Praying you find lots of joy on this journey.

  5. I keep praying for you Joe. Even though we didn’t spend a lot of time together,I knew you were a strong man of God. Keep that strength during this time. God will come thru for you.

  6. Praising the Lord Jesus Christ for your testimony at a time when any suffer and as Christ followers suffering well isn’t easy by with the power of the Holy Spirit we can feel joy, peace and comfort in the storms of our lives.may you have the fruit of His Holy Spirit and realize all your brothers and sisters in Christ love you and are now praying for you because you humbled yourself at the cross to share your story. God bless you Joe! Big hugs, Dana Lee

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